In all of my life I have always believed in second chances, that people should be able to make a mistake and get another chance to fix it but what if you have given them way more than two chances? What if you are tired of giving chances? What if they take those chances for granted? I give second chances but the person I feel that I give too many chances to is my dad. I know that everybody makes mistakes and when they do people forgive them and give them another chance but after a while of them making the same mistakes, or doing the same thing, you don’t want to give them anymore chances. That is how I feel with my dad, I try to forgive him and when I get close to forgiving him he does something that pushes me further than before. My life has been nothing but giving him chances and trying to forgive him but it has gotten to the point to where I am sick of it and I no longer want to give him chances. I feel like I don’t have the strength anymore. Every time I give him a chance he blows it and I just get hurt again and I am not strong enough to do it anymore, not just that but I am so tired of it being the same thing over and over again. This is my relationship with my dad and it’s sad, thinking about it makes me sad, it shouldn’t be like this but it’s like he is pushing me away. One day I am never going to give him another chance because every time I am disappointed and I am hurt, he emotionally hurts me and I can’t deal with it. Our relationship is falling apart as I type this, forgiving him is just as hard as the last time but I have to try again. I shouldn’t have to forgive him for anything like this but because of him I do and he makes it so hard for me, when I even get close he does something stupid and then I step back. At this point it feels like I am never going to be able to forgive him because of him and I wish our relationship wasn’t like that, I wish it was like it used to be when I didn’t know what he did and he taught me things like how to hit a softball or when we layed in the hammock in the front yard together. I liked it better when I was his little girl, when I thought the world of him because he was my dad, he was like a superhero but then I grew up and realized he wasn’t, he was the person that broke my family. I hope that someday I can forgive him, I hope someday that our relationship will be mended and I will be his little girl again but all I can do is hope and even that doesn’t fill the place in my heart where my father should be. Thank you for reading my blog.
